Well, the Nullset's UK/European Bureau is set to close soon.  On the 25th, we'll be shutting the doors on our offices here in York as I go home to the States, ostensibly for good.

In the spirit of writing something of length after ignoring my responsibilities to provide free, hugely ignored content thanks to a fanbase alienated by sloth (not the fault of my august colleagues at all, no sir), I present to you the following list, the content of which should be easily discernable from the title:

- The cows that ceaselessly moo at the top of their considerable lungs, usually at an uncharitable hour of the night.  We used to think that something, er, biological and robust was going on out there, and frequently, but it turns out that all they're doing is making sure one another are still there.  And it's not quiet, contented, 'Mmm, I'm a cow,' moos either.  I imagine their conversations must sound something like this:

'HEY!  I'M A COW!  ANY OTHER COWS OUT THERE?  MOO IF YOU CAN HEAR ME!  MOO!  MOO!  MOO!'

'MOO!  MOO!  MOO-FRICKETY-MOO!  I'M A COW!  I'M HERE!  CAN YOU HEAR ME?  MOO!'

'YES, I CAN!  MOO!  MOO!  ARE YOU ALSO A COW LIKE ME?  MOO IF IT IS SO!  MOO!'

'MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO!  YES!  I AM COW!  HEAR ME MOO!'

...and so on and so forth ad nauseam et infinitum.  It is enough to make vegans crave a steak, and to make a gun-control fan wish for an Uzi.  Since I love both beef and guns, I plan to come back one day with a grill and an M-60, hopefully on the Fourth of July.

- The constant, unwavering stream of mosquito hawks that fly in here all the time.  They fly in, buzz around like deranged mosquitos hopped up on Ecstasy, and fly right in your face.  And they never go away.  I've spent most of today and virtually half of my toilet paper grumbling at these buggy so-and-so's and then flushin' 'em down the drain.  Earlier my friend Paul was in and I slapped one out of the air, after which he bellowed 'FINISH HIM!' in his best Mortal Kombat voice and stomped on the vile thing.

Er, yeah, in other news, dissertations are not making me crazy, and I'm definitely not a hopeless geek...

- The duck/goose/moor hen crap that is all over every flat horizontal surface.  We have a lake running through campus, and lots of things live in it.  It's said that they dug the lake ten feet deep, but the water is only four.  Care to guess what's upholstering the six remaining feet down to the bottom?

I don't believe that story, though.  There simply isn't enough roughage on this campus for these birds to produce that much and all of what blankets the walkways.  Never walk through campus barefoot.  You'll have green soles by the time you're done, and probably leprosy.

- The utter lack of Mexican food.  Five months without nachos is too much to ask of any red-blooded American male.  God is quite clearly testing me.

- My limited choices in DVDs.  I have been too long away from my beautiful, shiny silver children, and it is time we were reunited.

- The terror that is the US/UK exchange rate.  It's enough to make a normal, well-adjusted guy as neurotic as a bad Woody Allen pastiche.  Imagine feeling guilty every time you spend or take out money, because you know that it's costing you twice as much in US dollars.  Whoever arbitrates these things and why they desire to denude the pockets of a student three quid removed from street-based beggary is unknown to me, but rest assured, as soon as I find out who they be, they're gonna get a half-brick inna sock forcefully and repeatedly applied to their temple.  Possibly even they dome, depending on how ironically Ebonical I'm feeling at the time.

- The fact that my beautiful lappy, just recently having celebrated its first anniversary in my service, is reduced to running in safe mode to operate.  That's what I get for not having a Norton disk with me.  Sigh.  Lesson learned.  On the plus side, it means I get to hang out with Kevin and try to learn how to nuke my system properly, during which time he'll no doubt ridicule me mercilessly, and grumble about how he can't remember why he wanted me to come home in the first place.

I think it'll be comforting to have yet another reminder that some things will never change.

For those of you who still frequent the Mason County area, I look forward to seeing you all again, and especially how quickly our reunion will become routine, and how our joy at seeing one another again will quickly turn to apathy and contempt.