It has come to my attention that I'm the only one doing any writing around here.  A look at the main page shows that the last three articles were all mine - each coming out about a week and a half apart, which is hardly a strenuous pace.  Now, before my 'esteemed colleagues' tear me apart about being 'Mr. College McSchoolie Von No-Freaking-Job,' I would like to volunteer the following appraisals of their individual daily schedules, starting with Kevin:

Kevin -

- Get up early because of combination of legitamately early start of work day and anal retentive desire to 'look (his) best' and 'arrive at work in a prompt and timely manner, unlike you, Mister Eternally Tardy Tard-Boy.  Are you ever on time?  Good grief-'.

- Goes to work.  Blah, blah, blah.  'Ooh, look at me!  I have a legitimatate jaerb!  I have work, like a little nancy-boy girly-girl!' 

- Goes home by 4 PM.  Plays Age of Empires II (Conquerors Expansion, Black Forest Skirmish map, Briton civilization in Player 1 Blue), Starfleet Command III, Microsoft Flight Simulator 2002, Medal of Honor family of FPS games (Omaha Beach objective map, Axis), pausing only to urinate, defecate, scratch varying bodily crevices, consume vast quantites of Totino's Pizza Rolls (pepperoni), Mountain Dew, A&W Root Beer (frosty official A&W mug only), and to a lesser degree, Vanilla Pepsi. 

- Periodically undergoes fit of sheer manic spontaneity and signs onto Trillian to briefly curse my name and my adopted country.  Usually retires to living room after several minutes to watch battle scenes from his extensive Star Trek DVD collection in his underwear while firing his Airsoft guns at non-Federation ships, timed exactly to correspond with Federation torpedo kill shots (Airsoft ammo must match onscreen torpedo color).

- Occasionally claims to engage in activities such as paying attention to collegiate girlfriend (see above) helping Cornerstone Baptist pastoral staff, leading Cornerstone Jr. High Youth Group, and leading at Ludington Campus Life chapter.  All are fabricated solely for the purpose of warding off criticism; since they all take place out of his apartment or workplace, Kevin does not engage in them.

- Repeat cycle following day.

But don't think Mike is any better.  Kevin is at least only a month off his latest article.  Mike is two months late with his last article (November 12) and a month off his last comment (December 7).  There are rumors among the Nullset rank-and-file staff that he finally built that underground bunker under our plush Orange Beach, AL headquarters building and has abandoned all connections to human society except his World of Warcraft and City of Heroes accounts, along with his kitten Nala.  We have one guy on payroll who says his entire job is to ride a heavily guarded and armored elevator every day down to something called 'Security Level Victor-Theta-One-Delta' with a heap of pizzas, Bawls energy drink, Mountain Dew - and once a week, a bag of Friskies Ocean Fish flavor.

I can't offer up Mike's schedule, because I honestly can no longer unequivocally say whether he still exists on the material plane.  There's another rumor that he died several months ago and merged with his computer, literally becoming the 'ghost in the machine' of sci-fi lore.  Supposedly his recent Christmas visit was either a robotic drone piloted by remote control or a sophisticated holographic projection.

Anyway, I'd like you, the readers, to decide which one of the several unfinished articles floating in the Nullset pool Mike (if he still exists) should finish:

- 'Geek Dating Tips - Part I':  Self-explanatory.  Advice for loving and living while remaining true to whatever silly, nerdy activity/obsession you can't let go of.

- 'Mike Dates Binary-Based Lifeform':  Also self-explanatory.  Possibly true now.  Might explain why Mike disappeared nearly a month ago.

- 'Huge Nerd Falls Asleep, Wakes Up In Huge Pile Of Items Purchased Online':  Needs no explanation.

So there you have it.  You, the readers, should decide what manner in which Mike should get off his lazy butt (if indeed he still has one).  And if Kevin should break his ironclad routine - to hear him tell it, it apparently is an anchor of reality, and should he derivate from it, the universe could tear itself apart.  This means Ludington and several stretches of road leading to other places he has been - to do anything as well.