Have you ever watched a hamster run in his wheel?  He just keeps on running and running and running, but he never gets anywhere?  Ever?  Yet for some unknown reason, he continues to try, every day, for the rest of his wasted existence?

Well, every time I try to introduce Kevin to something new, I kind of feel like that poor, pointless hamster.  But for some reason, I keep on trying.  I don't know why; I know what he's going to do:  reject it out of hand because it's different, and therefore, bad.  For whatever reason, I keep on trying, and yesterday was no exception.  Yesterday I went over to Kev's to hang out and do stuff, and we were going to write a humorous article for this website - since that is, you know, what we do, or at least it was until we spiraled into a wicked maelstrom of sloth and laziness from which there is no escape.

Kevin said I would have to bring my laptop along to write the article, since he fears that I will somehow make his computer evil and cultured if I touch it.  So I did, since he has a router and I could, by extension, hork lots of stuff from his compy and such.  I also brought along Warhammer 40,000:  Dawn of War, which just might be the coolest strategy game I have yet seen.  I thought it was a shoo-in for Kev's affections, since it involves awesome graphics, a gritty WWII-style armor-and-infantry approach to tactics, a lot of making things blow up, and a high sci-fi setting.  However, upon my arrival, he was immersed in flying a Lear jet out of Chicago's Meigs Field, something he would mix and match with Starfleet Command III for the next several hours.  My attempts to show him Dawn of War went something like this:

Jordan:  Hey Kev, check out this awesome game I brought!

Kevin:  *mumbles distractedly*  Go away.  I hate you.  Who let you into my apartment?

Jordan:  Oh, har-de-frickin'-har, Haha McFunnybutt.  Now come here; I've got something to show you.

Kevin:  *sighs loudly*  Jordan, what did I say about bringing your software in this house?

Snide comments from Jordan about Kevin building physical fortifications and posting armed guards around his computer in the future.  Kevin whirls his chair around in an annoyed fashion.  The game loads up.

Kevin:  And what is this crap?

Jordan:  It's Warhammer 40,000:  Dawn of War!  An RTS set in the grim darkness of the forty-first millenium, where THERE IS ONLY WAR!  Will you be a noble and devoted Space Marine, serving for the eternal glory of Holy Terra and the Immortal God-Emperor?  Or one of the mysterious Eldar, whose empire spanned the stars when men cowered in caves?  Or will you command the vile traitor legions of the dread Chaos Space Marines, who betrayed the Emperor ten thousand years ago?  Finally, you can lead the hilarious yet dangerous greenskinned tide of the Orks as they-

Kevin:  Blah, blah, blah!  Why don't you just write me a novel?  *looks disinterestedly at the expertly rendered carnage blaring off the screen*  Why do they all have guns?

Jordan:  Well, er, because it's a sci-fi game...sci-fi people carry guns.

Kevin:  Where are all the men with swords and bows?  Where are the castles?  Why don't I see peasants gathering berries and hunting deer?

Jordan:  No, no, it's a sci-fi game.  It has spaceships and power armor and tanks and lasers and stuff.  They passed that technological level a long time ago.  Well, they do use like chainsaw swords and lightsabers and stuff.  Mystical artifacts and whatnot.

Kevin:  But where are all the men with swords and bows?

Jordan:  They aren't there.  *quickly tries to cover*  But look at all the other awesome stuff this game has!  Cover!  Morale!  Squad-based combat that you reinforce on the battlefield!  Customizable weapons packages!  True 3D graphics that allow you to see the battle firsthand!  Things that will revolutionize strategy gam-

Kevin: You mean you're not showing me Age of Empires?  Or something with Star Trek?

Jordan:  *guiltily* No...

Kevin:  THEN WHY IN THE CRAP ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS?  Jeez, Jordan!

I knew that this would be the end result, but somehow I went through with it anyway.  It's just as well.  If he found out that the Eldar were basically space elves and that the Orks are the same kind you get in LOTR except with guns, he probably would have thrown me, my laptop, and the game out his window.