For the past 15 years, Cornerstone Baptist Church (formerly Washington Avenue Baptist Church) holds a “Harvest Party” on Halloween night at their facility in Ludington.  This event, which presents a safe and positive alternative to the negative (ghosts and goblin) aspects of Halloween, transforms the basement of the church into a vast carnival for our area children filled with unique games and attractions.

The Harvest Party workers are encouraged to dress up in costumes to make the experience more enjoyable for the kids and parents.  This year, Becky and I dressed up in Starfleet uniforms complete with authentic rank, insignia, and props as depicted in the television series “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

Our costumes generated quite a few comments from the people in attendance.  Most of the comments demonstrated that they had no idea what they were talking about.  I guess it’s just like Mark Twain once said, “It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”

Stupid Things People Said Regarding Kevin and/or Becky’s Costumes

• “Hey, it’s Dr. Spock!” (See "Dr. Spock vs. Mr. Spock" below)
  
  
• “Look kids, it’s a 'Star Track' guy!” (See "Star Trek vs. Star Track" below)
  
  
• “Beam me up, Scotty!” (Never mind the fact that this quote has in fact NEVER been included in any episode or movie, this is a reference to the original series.  We are wearing NextGen uniforms.  The difference between the Original Series and NextGen is analogous to the difference between golf and football.  How many football fans would tolerate someone confusing the two?)
  
  
• “Live long and prosper” or flashing the “Vulcan Salute” (This phrase and action is shared between Vulcans.  Do I look like I have pointed ears?  Fake ones, even?)

The people who typically make these statements are un-costumed parents of small children.  I felt like saying “Now what could you be?  Possibly an out-of-touch 30-something parent?  Hmmm, great costume…”

If you don’t like Star Trek, that is no problem.  It’s not for everyone.  But would you please do us the service of keeping your mouth shut about things you know nothing about?  I happen to dislike and know very little about football, deer hunting, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter.  However, I typically don’t try to pretend like I’m an expert on those subjects - especially by using the one or two things I vaguely remember hearing about once, both of which are wrong.

Case in point: When I see someone during Halloween dressed in a basketball jersey, do I say “Hey look - it’s Michael Jordan,” as Michael Jordan is the only basketball player I have ever heard of?

And now, I'd like to present a very special...

STAR TREK'S 'ONE LAST TIME FOR ALL THE IDIOTS' CLARIFICATION SECTION:

Dr. Spock vs. Mr. Spock

Dr. Benjamin Spock (1903 – 1998) was the most trusted pediatrician and best-selling author of all time.   Over the course of his long lifetime, Spock’s book, The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, would go through seven editions, be translated into 39 languages, and sell more than 50 million copies, making it second in sales only to the Bible.

Mr. Spock was a fictional alien character (a Vulcan) conceived by Gene Roddenberry and played by noted actor and director Leonard Nemoy in the 1960’s television series “Star Trek.”  He is probably the most easily recognized character in all of the Star Trek mythos.  A mascot, as it were.  After a fashion.

Star Trek vs. Star Track

Star Trek is a pop culture phenomenon that has spawned ten feature films, five television series (totalling over 650 45-minute episodes), countless novels, paperbacks, magazines, comic books, and conventions that have been attended by millions of people.

Star Track is a computer software that assists stargazers in locating and photographing celestial objects.  It also is the way in which stupid people mispronounce the phrase “Star Trek.”

I don't really dislike any of the people who made any of the aforementioned horrible insults to my all-time favorite entertainment series.  But good grief, if you see someone who's gone to the trouble to get dressed up in an authentic Star Trek costume, don't attempt to connect with them by using the one thing you kind of remember from the original series when you were a kid.  Please.

If you will do this thing for me, I promise not to ask you what sort of violation the refs would call when someone tries to a gut a deer on a '4th and inches.'