LUDINGTON, MI - 2004-10-26
BY KEVIN GERHART
NULLSET NEWS STAFF WRITER - MIDWEST BUREAU
The first indication in several months the Nullset has received regarding the status, health, or location of longtime friend Erika Nelson was though an e-mailed chain letter addressed to staff writer Kevin Gerhart Tuesday morning.
“I just figured she was still in Ludington,” Gerhart stated. “But then I got to thinking about that going away party that I had attended months ago, and you know what, I bet that was for her! Wasn’t she going away somewhere? I think it was someplace that I had never heard of.”
Fellow Nullset staff writer Jordan Racey has confirmed that Erika is indeed studying in the country of Israel for a year. Jordan went on for several minutes describing in crushing detail the politics, religion, and history of the region. None of that was very interesting so I didn’t include any of it here.
“It wasn’t even a good chain letter,” Gerhart ranted. It was one of those stupid, “forward me to a million people and something technological will happen… somehow” types. When in reality the purpose is to generate a few million e-mail addresses to spam the crap out of. Thank you, Erika for exposing my e-mail address to a few more spam lists! I miss you too!”
The chain letter is show below in red text, with Kevin’s cynical comments highlighted in blue. Despite the text below, please do not forward this to 7 people…
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER! ( Awww how cuddly. The all capital letters really increased the importance of the sentence too! )
Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!! ( 11 exclamation points make the sentence 11 times more important )
If you forward it to 7 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works. Somehow, (Somehow???) from the return path generated ( boy, that return path generator is a tricky thing ), you'll receive something, and IT IS FUNNY!!! ( yeah... you mentioned that already )
This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten ( grammar problem – try received? 'Gotten' is not a word ). All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! (sounds rather ambiguous) So, send it to those 7 people and watch. ENJOY!!! Pass it around.
Unsatisfied with Racey’s explanation of Erika’s whereabouts, Nullset News Investigative Services [Kevin] phoned the Nelson residence to determine indeed what hemisphere Erika was currently in. We were able to reach Craig Nelson, Erika’s father, and longtime friend of all three staff writers. A transcript of the conversation follows.
Craig Nelson: Hello, Nelsons'.
Kevin: Hey Craig, this is Kevin Gerhart. I have a question for you. Does Erika live there anymore?
Craig Nelson: Uh… Well, her permanent address is here… but she is in Israel for a year. You knew that, right?
Kevin: Well… I’m sure someone told me something about it, but since it involved another country I probably I forgot all about it.
Craig Nelson: (Confused Pause) OK… Well, do you need an address to reach her or anything?
Kevin Gerhart: No. She pretty much lives too far away. We can resume our friendship when she reenters the country.
Craig Nelson: (Another Pause) OK… Well nice to hear from you…
Kevin Gerhart: You too Craig; have a great day.
Anyway we miss you Erika, but that was a dumb chain letter. One of these days I'm going to write an article making fun of the all time dumbest chain letters. If you have any ideas, feel free to post.
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Here's one... - 10/26/2004 08:38:40AM CST (10/26/2004 09:38:40AM EST)
Posted By: Chris Potter
Hey all, remember the one about Microsoft and sending out tons of money to beta test it's 'mail forwarding tracing program' thingy? Yeah, that was a good one. A LOT of people fell for that one. I read an article somewhat recently telling of the top 10 worst scams on the internet. Some of which I'm sure would overlap onto the 'dumbest chain letters of all time' list also.
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Proof of a long-standing accusation - 11/16/2004 04:52:42AM CST (11/16/2004 05:52:42AM EST)
Posted By: Jordan's Beard
I know that for a long time there's been a lot of ugly rumors about the staff of the Nullset and our journalistic integrity - things like us totally inventing quotes and being guilty of slander and libel charges, except that no one cares.
Well, here is one unfortunate instance where it's actually true. Kevin NEVER interviewed me for this article. You see, I also am currently in a foreign country; England, to be exact. This ensures that I won't have any contact with him until I return home, as he's said on more than one occasion that he's "worried that [he] might catch Mad Cow Disease or something talking to you on MSN in your dirty foreign hole of a country."
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Another one, Kevin! - 10/26/2004 09:48:57AM CST (10/26/2004 10:48:57AM EST)
Posted By: Jordan's Beard's Brother's Not-Really-Beard
Microsoft's famous beta-testing hoax probably is the king of online scams-it circulated more than once and both times, people forwarded it even though it never "worked." But alas, let us not forget the instant messaging scams where if you don't forward some warning to 5 zillion people in your contact list, your account will shut down.
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my favorite hoax - 10/26/2004 10:12:22AM CST (10/26/2004 11:12:22AM EST)
Posted By: The_Internet
I would have to say that my favorite chain letter hoax was the one that told you to delete a semi important java script file or your computer would shut down. It was so clever, it wasnt even a virus and it had the potential to mess up your computer. Seems like they would have chose a more system critical file though, the java file was a little weak. I also had to sit at the help desk at 1010 internet and tell a bunch of old ladies not to delete the file that her email told her to delete.....I mean, I never worked at the help desk at 1010 internet....because I am the internet, not just some person who is pretending to be the internet.....that would be crazy...hugs and kisses, The_Internet
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Living in the Not-United-States - 10/26/2004 05:24:54PM CST (10/26/2004 06:24:54PM EST)
Posted By: Renee
So now that I'm back in the country, I've finally been able to communicate with Kevin, too. Usually it is in the form of him leaving me links to his various articles for the Nullset. That's kind of like a dumb chain letter, eh?
I suppose that's what I get for living in the Republic of Hungry-Or-Greece-Or-Turkey-Or-Whatever.
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I love Kevin's English lectures... - 10/27/2004 03:57:00AM CST (10/27/2004 04:57:00AM EST)
Posted By: Carey Duran
According to Merriam-Webster gotten is a word.
I was angry at first, but I have since gotten over it.
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It's a stupid word. - 11/16/2004 04:52:11AM CST (11/16/2004 05:52:11AM EST)
Posted By: Kevin Gerhart
Well... It still sounds stupid! I'm not changing the article! Recieved sounds better... yeah. You are not the boss of me! Like George Carlin might say, I wrote this article! What have you ever done? Wait... Don't answer that, Carey.
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I agree... - 10/27/2004 08:48:03AM CST (10/27/2004 09:48:03AM EST)
Posted By: Carey Duran
I do think that the sentence has a grammer problem. And if you had left it at that I might have agreed.
But things have gotten out of hand when you accuse an innocent word like 'gotten' to have gotten it's meaning from the mind of an evil internet hoaxster only seeking 'ill-gotten' gain.
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times are changing..... - 10/28/2004 10:10:52AM CST (10/28/2004 11:10:52AM EST)
Posted By: a humble man-servant
I enjoy reading most articles from this site and base my life around the teachings of the occult leaders that arise from such teachings and contribute to this site. But the colors in this article were too much, I will no longer follow you blindly, my eyes have been opened to see colors of red and blue. There is more to the world then just gray.
My reign of terror begin today to rid the world of the harmful anti-grays.
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Gahh!! Mad Cow!!! - 10/29/2004 04:31:37AM CST (10/29/2004 05:31:37AM EST)
Posted By: V01D
What is Jordan`s Beard DOING posting on this site? He`s gonna infect my WEBSITE with Mad Cow!!! (Oh wait, the site is HOSTED in the UK. Right....)
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Colors - 10/29/2004 04:48:29AM CST (10/29/2004 05:48:29AM EST)
Posted By: V01D
Speaking of colors, there is an interesing story behind the editing of this article. Kevin may or may not send me the ping of death because of this, but it went something like this (color-coded for everyone but Kevin to enjoy):
Mike: [Gee I wonder what is new on The_Internet today...]
Kevin: Hey yo Mikey-Boy! Check out my brand spankin new article which is sooooo cool!
Mikey-boy: Yo Kevinie! [Reads brand spankin new article] It`s soooooo gooood!
Mikey-Boy: But yeah, your text should be blue and craigs should be red right?
Kevinie: Uh yeah, why?
Mikey-boi: Well its like totally reversed in some parts, and not in others.
The Great Kevinie: Oh well I....
Mikey-bouy: Right, I mean I realize you are colorblind and all colors look black and white to you anyway so I mean its no big deal. You probably just thought that you were using a black and a white that were really close together.
The Kev-Meister: Jerk.
The Jerk: Yeah, oh and by the way do you like the brand new color scheme I came out with for the site? Changed it all to like greens and yellows and purples and stuff. It looks soooo gooood. Oh yeah, sorry. Black and white. I forgot you're color-blind.
He who stands and proudly points the way: I hate you. I hope you and the entire state of not-Michigan dies with you.
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mad cow - 10/29/2004 04:42:32AM CST (10/29/2004 05:42:32AM EST)
Posted By: Hey V01D
Hey V01D...if you had a choice between getting mad cow disease and being the best programmer in your field what would ya choose?
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