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Michigan Deer Hunting Laws Changed
LUDINGTON, MI - 2004-09-11
BY KEVIN GERHART
NULLSET NEWS STAFF WRITER - MIDWEST BUREAU
Ludington area resident Kevin Gerhart successfully lobbied the Michigan Department of Natural Resources to increase the number of issued deer hunting licenses to a number five times greater than the total deer population. Laws were also changed to allow hunters to use bait piles and automatic weapons. In addition the firearm deer hunting season has been extended until the entire population is extinct.
Sources report that Gerhart’s vendetta against the Michigan deer population escalated following a near miss incident on Jebavy Drive late Thursday night.
In an address to the Michigan Department of Natural Resources, Gerhart had the following comments. “Let’s get one thing straight! The roads are for cars! If [the deer] would stay in the woods where they belong, these extermination measures would not be necessary.”
“The problem is the people like my grandmother who feed the stupid things!” Becky Young said. “Luring them with food is fine, if you plan on mowing them down with an automatic weapon. But feeding them because they look pretty will just breed more of them.”
“Don’t they have their own special crossing sections?” Angela Herban, Becky’s roommate stated. “If they would just use their designated crossings between the hours of 2AM and 3AM, when the bars close and the drunks are on the road, we could solve two problems!”
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- 09/11/2004 11:54:42AM CST (09/11/2004 12:54:42PM EST)
Posted By: Jenna
the problem of the deer population has been increasing! wonderful article !!
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Good Point - 09/11/2004 12:35:05PM CST (09/11/2004 01:35:05PM EST)
Posted By: Angela's Advocate
I'm with Angela on this one. Kill to birds with one stone...or car... :D
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A little too extreme?? - 09/11/2004 02:09:49PM CST (09/11/2004 03:09:49PM EST)
Posted By: A Vennison Lover named Mike Roberson
Perhaps lobbing to exterminate the deer species was too extreme. I mean, where would we get our FUTURE suppies of vennison???
Personally, i just think if I need a permit to kill a "kings deer," then every time one of those 4 legged beasts ruins a car, (or persons) or perhaps TRESSPASSES on my land, the owner should be completly reimbursed.
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a better way - 09/11/2004 05:03:48PM CST (09/11/2004 06:03:48PM EST)
Posted By: A very smart man (who likes to kill)
Now the hunting thing is a good idea, however; on closer speculation, it seems to be lacking. For example, look at the quality of people who we are entrusting to the killing of the dear population. I mean lets just tale all the lowlifes, rednecks, farmers, hicks, and variouise othe yokels and arm them, and then put our faith in them that they will be sufficent to the task of securing the saftey of our roads, our very means of life. I for one am not willing to take such a risk. I propose that we hire some biogenetecists and have them find some sort of weekness in the white tail genome that we can expliote. Than they can creat a specialized "dear extermanating" biological weapon. This is the only viable solution that I see to the current problem, and if you dissagree with me I will find and expliot a weekness in YOUR genome!!!
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Crazy Zealous Deer Hunters - 09/12/2004 05:42:47AM CST (09/12/2004 06:42:47AM EST)
Posted By: Dru
Arming a large amount of mentally unstable and zealous men has worked in the past. Everyone remember the crusades? That didn't quite work out as well as planned but, hell, they came close. So I must disagree with "A very smart man"s previous post and go on the record supporting an over zealous crazy rampage of deer hunting maniacs.
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Why Wade thinks he has 'a better way' - 11/16/2004 04:52:42AM CST (11/16/2004 05:52:42AM EST)
Posted By: Jordan's Beard
Given the spelling errors and the self-admitted love of killing (yet reluctance toward hunting), I think we can all safely guess that 'A very smart man (who likes to kill)' is most definitely Wade. Given all the sci-fi and action movies he watches, do you all honestly think Wade wants some team of biogeneticists to create a virus or something? No! WADE wants to BE the 'deer extermanating biological weapon' he's talking about, probably via genetic manipulation to give him heightened senses, super healing, and the bonding of indestructible metal to his skeleton.
If Wade's agenda is passed, the world will become a lot more dangerous, but also much more entertaining. I hope some top-secret government science agency is reading this article.
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Nuke `Em - 09/12/2004 09:41:40PM CST (09/12/2004 10:41:40PM EST)
Posted By: V01D
Why use guns or chemical warfare or big nasty swords like on Kill Bill when we can just nuke em? I for one am all for the American way. Lets vaporize these road menaces once and for all.
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Jordan`s Beard, Wrong Again - 09/12/2004 09:43:15PM CST (09/12/2004 10:43:15PM EST)
Posted By: V01D
I do believe that that would be a certain roommate to be named later and not the Wade of which you speak. Once again, not everyone who reads this lives in Ludingon, Michigan ; P (though admittedly thats probably where most of them lurk around)
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I Be An Retarded - 09/12/2004 09:56:30PM CST (09/12/2004 10:56:30PM EST)
Posted By: V01D
Hey, yeah so, just sorta scratch my last comment out there. Thought it said `Kill Bill`, not just `Kill`. In my defense, Nala (AKA `Spazz The NinjaKitten DeathBringer`) was `playfully` scratching (CLAWS DIGGING IN SKIN) my hands and feet at the time.
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Scare them away - 09/13/2004 04:26:32AM CST (09/13/2004 05:26:32AM EST)
Posted By: Jim Barstow
Couldnt we just string up a deer carcass on sticks along the road every 500 yards or so. Seeing one of their comrades that has met the consequences of J-Walking should have some impact on them.
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Let's move 'em! - 09/13/2004 04:46:53AM CST (09/13/2004 05:46:53AM EST)
Posted By: Dororthy Gale, from Allendale
I would have to disagree with Jim because I doubt deer are as intelligent as you give them credit for. I have an even better idea: let's hunt them down and instead of killing them, catch them and then send them (via the carferry and lake express) to Wisonson! Let the rednecks over there hit the deer, damage their cars and have their car insurance go up! When insurance rates get outrageously high, the smart Wisconson people (if there is such a thing) will come to Michigan and realize how cool it it (how the sun sets on the west, how we don't have rocks for beaches etc). Then, when they are unable to find employment, they will move back to Wisconson where they will live in misery knowing that their state sucks.
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killin' - 09/13/2004 11:01:39AM CST (09/13/2004 12:01:39PM EST)
Posted By: Not Wade
I'm hungry, hungry for action, hungry for blood, heck, I'm just plain ol' hungry. I need no hightend senses, or healing, or silly bonded metals. I am invincible and none shall stand before me in my onslaught. In no time at all the dear population problem will be but a distant memory; I will pour out my wrath like spilled blood, and like a flood I will wash over the state of Michigan annihilating all things that resemble dear or dear sympathizers. My thirst for whitetail blood will not be quenched until every last trace of those malevolent creatures has been obliterated from this land. As a plague has no distinction between good and evil, so I will not hesitate to kill any dear, whether they have crossed a road or not. The only good dear is a dead dear, and I am going to make sure that there are only good dear! [Smears himself with the blood of a freshly killed dear and runs off naked and screaming down curses upon the dear population]
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Alter-Ego confusion - 09/13/2004 03:23:34PM CST (09/13/2004 04:23:34PM EST)
Posted By: Charlie Thompson
Well person who most assuredly is not Wade, I'm a bit lost. You appear to be some sort of cross between Major Pane and Tamberlane... just wondering which of these people you in point of fact are
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The real issue here - 09/13/2004 03:50:56PM CST (09/13/2004 04:50:56PM EST)
Posted By: N/A
My name is not important, what is important is that I am here, and soon they will not be here, I have come for thier souls!!!
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Sorry Not Wade, that won't work - 09/14/2004 05:47:40AM CST (09/14/2004 06:47:40AM EST)
Posted By: Jordan's Beard's Brother's Not-Really Beard, from Holland
You've come for their souls, huh? Couldn't they just SELL their souls to you and go along their merry way? Granted, they'll meet some cruel and painful end, but doesn't that ALREADY happen between the hunters and all those drivers on the Michigan roads?
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w00t! automatic weapons! - 09/16/2004 02:50:19PM CST (09/16/2004 03:50:19PM EST)
Posted By: Sportsmen for Bush!
I like to shoot things. Regardless of whether I'm using my Xx_xX Instagib mod shock rifle in UT2004, my Variable Frequency Rifle in RIFTS, or my .30-06 semi automatic deer rifle. However an m16 would make a great addition to my collection. Vote Bush and Gerhart in the upcoming election.
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A modest proposal - 09/24/2004 08:06:44PM CST (09/24/2004 09:06:44PM EST)
Posted By: Desi's 0.02€
I've noticed that honking one's horn while parked on the freeway is a great way to move a 70mph oncomming deer. Sure, they stumble and fall on their face at the noise sometimes, but that's just funny. I propose that everyone honk their horn continuously for the duration of any and all road trips!
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